I've been doing a lot of thinking about blogs in general and this blog in particular. I spend a lot of my time making this (and other) blog(s), making things, snapping photos in more or less mediocre light, uploading, editing, crafting language, sculpting pixels and code into tiny works of art(?). I can't explain my impulse, can't explain why I need to share things with the world, but I think it has a lot to do with a) my internal nature to BE a writer, even if it's not in any formal, published way anymore and b) supreme vanity (which comes from supreme self-loathing and being really really unsure of my place in the world).
I want people to notice me and tell me I'm worthwhile. But guess what folks? This isn't doing that for me. No one is noticing (except my mom). No one is telling me I'm worthwhile. And even if they were, I wouldn't listen.
I like to believe that I'm putting information out there into the world and participating in a blogging community of crafters and like minded people, but the truth is: I'm not. I'm just here, showing off my stuff. And PS: It's not even MY stuff. I'm just mimicking other people's patterns and recipes. There is no actual creativity here. No insight. Nothing original.
So there. I think this is my grouchy way of saying I'm going offline for awhile? Forever? It turns out that I'm telling "you," but there is no "you" out there. So it doesn't actually matter. Maybe I'm telling me. So that I can remember.