Monday, March 15, 2010


I've been doing a lot of thinking about blogs in general and this blog in particular.  I spend a lot of my time making  this (and other) blog(s), making things, snapping photos in more or less mediocre light, uploading, editing, crafting language, sculpting pixels and code into tiny works of art(?).  I can't explain my impulse, can't explain why I need to share things with the world, but I think it has a lot to do with a) my internal nature to BE a writer, even if it's not in any formal, published way anymore and b) supreme vanity (which comes from supreme self-loathing and being really really unsure of my place in the world).

I want people to notice me and tell me I'm worthwhile.  But guess what folks?  This isn't doing that for me. No one is noticing (except my mom).  No one is telling me I'm worthwhile.  And even if they were, I wouldn't listen.

I like to believe that I'm putting information out there into the world and participating in a blogging community of crafters and like minded people, but the truth is: I'm not. I'm just here, showing off my stuff. And PS: It's not even MY stuff.  I'm just mimicking other people's patterns and recipes. There is no actual creativity here. No insight. Nothing original.

So there. I think this is my grouchy way of saying I'm going offline for awhile? Forever? It turns out that I'm telling "you," but there is no "you" out there. So it doesn't actually matter. Maybe I'm telling me. So that I can remember.


joyous melancholy said...

Blogging should be done for yourself. If you find no joy in it, then it's not worth it. Yeah, it's nice to have followers and comments and I started my own crafting blog to be a part of the online crafting community, but the truth is that there are SO MANY blogs out there it's hard to keep up with them all.

I do subscribe to your blog, and I read it. I don't comment on many blogs, because of the volume of them out there. But I think I found you through a link from another blog. So people are reading, and noticing, and it may be slow going but you are starting to get out there.

I don't know if that helps or not. But do it for yourself. If you're not enjoying it, take a break. We'll be here when you come back.

Nathan said...

you're worthwhile you're worthwhile you're worthwhile. say that three times fast. blog or no blog. blog or no blog. blog or no blog. ditto.

Pamela said...

I love your blog and look forward to reading it all the time! I love to see all the things you are knitting and baking and printing and sewing. And I love to hear your stories and insights into what you are doing and how it affects you and others. Even if you are using someone else's ideas, your projects are creative because they are yours! You bring your own style and wit to them. The best part of your blog is the writing- it IS original. Without that your blog would be just a bunch of photos. Instead, you make it into a story about life and friendship and giving and exploration and taking risks. It's funny and witty and creative and a joy to read! If you need the time you are spending on this blog to do something that has more meaning to you, then do it, but I for one will sorely miss your explorations!

Pamela said...

P.S. You are worthwhile, you are worthwhile, you are worthwhile!!!!

Jene said...

Hey Cupcake, I read your blog. Infact I know every time you post something and click right to it. You're creative, you're crafty and doggone it people like you!

Keep up the good work when you feel like it and lay off when you don't. I blog is for fun, not for your job.

Cara said...

I know how you feel! I've been schizo with my blog on a regular basis because i go back and forth with my feelings about it. I've decided it's sort of my online journal, of accomplishments and frustrations but usually with a little less 4-letter words than usual. It's my way of telling the world,"look at me I am trying all this stuff and I'm not even perfect but it's fun! (or it sucks)"
If anything you are helping people gain confidence with their projects, etc....
You're write, there are SO many bloggers out there and I've found some blogging about basically the same stuff I do. I read their blogs though, it's fun to see how they stacked up with something vs. how I did. It saves me time if they've already tried an experiment i was wanting to try. It doesn't mean you are any less creative or talented, it just means you are not alone!

That said, I think you are a terrific writer. You are very creative, driven, positive (well most of the time), well traveled and fun. When you feel like writing again, go ahead. It's good to vent to the world, just like Doogie Howser did on his green screen! ha ha